Saturday, August 14, 2010

Vanity

The longer I'm in the process of this war, the more annoyed I am by magazine covers. Call it envy, I guess. I soooo long to be strong, tan, sexy, perky. Those women haunt me. They're everywhere. Looking at me with that glint in their eye. Makes me want to vomit.

I really don't think Carly Simon was singing about me (of course, there's only one person that really knows and he paid a hefty $50K to find out) when she belted out  "You're so vain" in 1972, but I'm starting to feel like i might be a little bit that way. I'm fighting cancer, why should I even care what I look like? 

Well, I do. 

It makes me sad to look into the mirror and see a shell of my former self. All over my house are photos from various moments in my life; posing at the finish line of the triathlon last year, at the base of Mt. Harvard, my wedding day, playing with my boys, hamming it up with the girls ... WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THAT PERSON?

I know it will pass. I know I'll look like myself again... one day. But, I'll be forever scarred by this horrendous experience. Will people see that in my eyes? My life will never be the same. Even if my hair grows back. 

5 comments:

  1. I hate to contradict you, but: wrong.

    I see your pictures; I read your words. You are the same absolutely amazing woman I couldn't believe Tucker had had not only the good fortune to meet, but the luck to win.

    You rock. You will rock. Rocking is the moment you live in.

    ReplyDelete
  2. People Will See Your Strength's!!
    Your Endurance!!
    Beauty Is More Than What The Eyes Behold!
    Inner Beauty Is What Shines!!
    Keep Shining!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are still the most beautiful woman in the world to me (that's a song too, BTW...name that band!). Sexy, perky, beautiful, fun, and full of life. I love you so much!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Awww... you guys are so sweet! Thank you. @AT ummm... CCR? or Kenny Rogers?

    ReplyDelete
  5. If it makes you feel any better, I also long to be strong, tan, sexy, perky. Even if it means getting a new woo-woo.

    ReplyDelete