Inner compass

I have a very strong inner compass. There have been times in my life when I may not have taken the most direct route, but somehow I ended up where I was supposed to be. I can't remember how old I was when I started trusting my compass... just that I was pretty young.

From early on, I visualized what my life was supposed to be like and how I was supposed to live it. Every step of the way was a step closer to achieving this vision. My compass led me to Mobile when I was 18 and to Boulder when I was 26. I trusted what my compass told me about the direction I was going. I bartended, went to school, got into advertising sales, married Andy Tucker. I wanted two kids, a nice house and to live in paradise. It's strange, but just last year - shortly after completing a triathlon - I thought, "wow, my life is perfect."

Here I sit looking at the foothills of the Rocky Mountains from my bed. My life is still perfect, but now I'm fighting a cancerous tumor and I've lost connection with my compass. I know I need to focus on healing and being a good mom, wife, etc, but beyond that... for the first time in my life... I'm lost.

I imagine this must happen a lot to warriors of cancer. Battling a life threatening disease redefines your world. It's just for me, the new definitions aren't coming as quickly as I would hope. I suppose I need to work on my patience. I suppose I need to focus on the task at hand... hunker down, fight, win ... and then figure things out.

Until then. Onward!