My Hair Journey

Wow. It's been a long, long time since I've made an entry. Honestly, I've just wanted to put the whole breast cancer thing behind me and get on with my life. But, as life has it... it's not that simple.

I've been feeling blue recently and I'm not totally sure why. Could it be my whacky hormones? Could it be my daily dosage of Tamoxifen? Could it just be that life can be hard?

So, I wanted to revisit what life was like 2 1/2 years ago, when it was scary and overwhelming and SO much harder than it is now - juust so I can have a little perspective. And, to remind myself that even when times are tough, I'm still me and sometimes you just need to laugh at yourself (as I did with my wig collection!)

Here is my cancer journey... through the story of my hair! (My dorkiness totally makes me laugh)

Dear Friends,

One year ago today I was diagnosed with breast cancer and it has been quite the journey.

I'll never forget those moments leading up to the confirmation of our greatest fear. Thank goodness we were in the hands of such a caring and compassionate doctor. He educated us and calmed our nerves. It was in his loving care that we embarked upon the most incredible 9 months of my life.

I am humbled and grateful for every single person who has stepped forward in our time of crisis. We have been fed some of the most delicious meals, our house has been cleaned and our dogs walked. Gifts of all kinds were left on our doorstep. I have countless cards filled emotion ... and support. I have never felt such love in my life and I can now say without any inkling of a doubt that LOVE DOES HEAL.

As I move forward in my life, beyond cancer, I am learning to never take anything for granted. Life comes at you fast and furious and anything can happen at any time. I vow to pass along the love and to share my wisdom with anyone who will listen. I may not be perfect in my quest, but I will be honest and true and real.

And, on that note, thank you for following my journey as I've babbled on about the mysteries of life. I hope you've found humor in my words or have used them to look inside yourself a little deeper. I hope you feel like you know me a little better.

I have decided to move on to the next chapter in my life and to close my blog out later this week.

Thank you again for your love and support.

Happy Living!

Susan

Death

I hate to sound morbid talking about death all the time, it's just on my mind a lot.

The Director of Z's school passed away unexpectedly last week. It was a shock to everyone. This woman was (I'm guessing) in her late 50's to mid-60's. A Boulder native and a very active, outdoorsy-type. She has been at the school for more than 30 years. We just saw her at the annual all-school dinner three days before she passed. It is so sad that she was here and now she is gone.

Death is a strange and mysterious thing. I believe we all think about death more than we realize. Religion is based upon the mystery of the "afterlife." And, I think we all feel like spirits are watching down upon us.... spirits of those who have already passed. Death is intertwined in life. In many ways life is death, if you think about our spirits out there romping freely until you spring forth into a life on earth.

Death is a sad thing, sad in that you never get to talk to that person in the here and now anymore. But, it's also a beautiful thing in that a person's spirit has been let free to romp again.

I don't really know what happens to someone when they pass away. I think everyone speculates and creates their own version of what it is like to die. We talk to the dead (Jesus?) and scour books (the Bible?) and dig deep inside for answers. And, as long as humans roam this earth, I believe it will always be that way.

Our time in this earth will continue changing at break-neck speed, but two things are certain... there will always be life and there will always be death. Let's make the best of both.

I still have spring fever.

But.... at least spring is HERE!

Love, love this weather. The birds are chirping, the grass is greening and the boys have been playing in the backyard for minutes on end (working our way up to hours.)

Next Sat is my big event. Please join us at the Boulder Home & Garden Fair at 29th Street, from 10 to 4. I'll be the chick with the clipboard and walkie talkie. :)

Spring Fever or ... I need a vacation!

I'm tired. Very, very tired. I went from one wild, cancer warriorin' year to diving head-first into work projects to make money so I can get caught up for my year of minimal working.

I'm. So. Tired.

Happy Cinco de Mayo. Eight days away from my one year anniversary of being diagnosed and one month, exactly, away from the big 4-0!

Old people are beautiful

I stopped by the grocery store yesterday to pick up a few last minute dinner items. While there, I noticed the place was crawling with retirees doing their monthly shopping. They were everywhere!

Now, this is not the first time that I've visited my corner Safeway and observed the white-haired takeover, but in the past, I never really looked at these folks. Yesterday, for some reason, I was drawn to them... a little old man shuffling down the aisles, a few folks gathered in the near the rotisserie chickens, a nice lady slowly looking for the correct coupon. And, they were beautiful. I could visualize their lives in the lines around their eyes and mouth, the years of happiness.... and hurts. I, for the first time, really looked at them. I got choked up because they have something that I'm fearful of never having.... a FULL life. I envied the wisdom in their eyes. The stories in their smiles. For once, I didn't want to be young and naive, I wanted to be old and wise.

I'm sure I'll one day be old and wishful for a young life again. I'm sure this cancer thing is totally kicked, never to return, but.... there is that chance. Always THAT chance and it scares me to death. 

People die from cancer every day

Sometimes I read other blogs... in fact, my blog links to other blogs. I haven't had a chance to read them lately, but today I was feeling compelled to "check-in." One of my co-bloggers (who I never knew, but read about occasionally) died. :( Cancer is pretty freakin' serious business. She had a similar diagnosis in 2000, then had a recurrence in 2004 and has gone progressively downhill since.

I have decided to take the Lupron shots until I can schedule an Oophorectomy or Hysterectomy. I must do all I can to reduce my risk for having to deal with this disease again!!

People die. I will die one day, too. Hopefully not until I complete my long list of things that need to be done.

So sad. Freakin' cancer.