It occurred to me that the tumor which had been growing in my body for the past 5 to 7 years, was located over my heart.... my HEART.
My heart has ached a lot in my life. My heart aches now. My heart has been broken and taped back together and the taped ripped off. I've glued it, stapled it and stitched it. It still aches. It still breaks.
Have you ever noticed how sometimes relationships are never what you expect them to be? My human mind creates a fantasy that I think is true. I live in the fantasy more than the actual relationship, and when reality strikes, it's never what I thought it was. It's because the other person has a fantasy, too. How often do those fantasy relationships actually mesh?
My heart. It aches. It aches for the the loss of what I thought was.
And, it scares me because my heart has ached for a long time and in that spot a tumor grew. I can't go through this again. I need to find a way to cope with my heartache.
Susan, I don't know what you're going through right now, but for what it's worth that I am thinking of you and pray for you often. I hope your pain subsides and is replaced with joy and warmth.
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