Oh yeah, because I keep making appointments with people who ... you know ... touch.
Seriously though. I feel like I have been felt up by half of Boulder. I tallied up how many doctors, nurses, -iologists (as in radiologists, cat-scan-ologists, etc), integrative care providers and the such, and I'm nearing about 30 to date. Many, but not all, have felt up "the girls." I've been poked, prodded, pulled, cut into, scanned, and radiated. My body has gone through the ringer!
So, this morning I had an appointment with yet another "provider." Granted, it was a massage and it was supposed to be relaxing. Well, it wasn't. I mean, it was kinda, but not really. As soon as she walked in, dread overcame me. This big, beefy, clunky, gum-poppin' woman hunkered down over me with her list of questions (as I have to go through with EVERY person I see). I was not in the mood to answer - yet again - the age I was the first time I had my period and whether I sleep on my left or right side. Do these people really need to know this?
Anyway, she rushed through the massage - all the while, gum poppin' - telling me about her kids and her partner. She spent about 1.7 minutes per limb. No, I guess it was more like 2.4 minutes. But, then she spent 22 minutes on my head. That part was quite lovely until she started "admiring my head shape" and telling me how she prefers bald women. Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against women who "admire" other women, but I went there for a massage and regardless of whether you are a man or a woman I don't want to hear your thoughts about any part of my body... or actually your thoughts on anything. Unless I ask, of course. I just want to RELAX!
So, now the question is this, do I keep going to people who are going to touch me?
I guess I have to.
Good one, Susan! Good question. Jeez, I would hope that in the case of massage therapists, they would respect advance instructions not to jabber. Sorry you got a clunker this time (love your description of her, though).
ReplyDeleteWell, i definately wouldn't go back to that toucher! I would have died.
ReplyDeleteDiscover Patrice at Essentials - trust me, you will not regret it.
ReplyDeleteTHAT. Was pretty funny. Or, you know -- not funny, but -- excellent writing. You're a rock star.
ReplyDeleteLet's please find you a silent masseuse ... good lord.
xoxo
you forgot to mention all of your friends that checked out the girls when you first told us you had cancer. I would add at least 5 to your list of 30 as I know the Melinda, myself, Tiff, Aim and Brooke all felt the enemy prior to chemo.
ReplyDeletei'm just sayin :)
As a licensed massage therapist I can say, with authority, that this "provider's" actions were unprofessional! (and annoying! Geesh!)
ReplyDelete